SPOILER: I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamed of people dancing the jitterbug and then I saw this cute blonde girl and she was laughing and she was happy and she was there with her mother and father and they were old. There was this black limo snaking up Mulholland Drive and in the back seat there was this other beautiful woman. She must have been a movie star and then the car stops but the woman says that its wrong and then the driver says no its OK its a surprise and there's another guy in the front who gets out and goes to the back door and the girl looks scared and then there were these kids joyriding down the hill and one of the cars crashes into the limousine and everyone was dead except the beautiful woman. She starts walking down the hill toward the city lights and she gets to Sunset Boulevard but she gets scared by a drunken couple walking down the street so she hides in the front yard of one of the houses but she is hurt and she needs to go to sleep. The cops come to investigate the accident on the hill and they realize that there was someone in the limo that is not there now and they talk just like in the cop movies in the 60's. In the morning she wakes up and she is asleep outside one of those apartment complexes you get in LA with a central courtyard. An older woman is walking out to a cab carrying a small case. The driver is struggling with a much larger case which he puts in the back of the cab and then the woman goes back for some more stuff. It looks like she's going away somewhere. The young woman just watches for a while until the older woman gets in the cab. Then she runs into the apartment complex. I don't think the older woman sees her even though she looks in her direction. The older woman goes back to check everything is switched off in her apartment and to pick up her keys and the young woman is hiding under the table but the older woman doesn't see her. Then the blonde cute girl is coming out of the airport with this older woman who looks like her mom and she looks really excited to be there like she has never been to a place like this before but when she gets outside the old woman says goodbye and so does her husband and they are not her mom and dad but just two people she met on the plane and then she thinks that someone has stolen her suitcases but the cab driver has just put them in the back of his car for her and it is like everyone is talking like in the movies in the 1930's and then the blonde girl arrives at the apartment complex and she meets the manager who looks like she was in the movies in the 1930's and talks like it too and she is staying at her aunt's apartment and it is the same apartment but she doesn't know that and she is very excited and looks around the apartment but then she finds the black haired woman's dress and then she finds the black haired woman in the shower and she doesn't understand and she thinks the woman is a friend of her aunt and she feels embarrassed but the black haired woman has lost her memory in the car crash and doesn't know who she is but she says her name is Rita because she sees the name on a movie poster in the bathroom but later the blonde finds out she is not a friend of her aunt's but she feels sorry for Rita because she was hurt and there's this diner with a man and his analyst and the man had a dream about the diner and that's why he wants to be in the diner with his analyst and in the dream the man sees a scary man out back of the diner only he sees him through the wall and the analyst wants him to go out back so they do and there is a scary man and the patient collapses and then there is this film director and he is in a meeting with these scary guys who work for an old man in a wheelchair and there is a problem with the espresso and there is a problem with the movie because the scary guys want the director to put this girl in as the lead but the director doesn't want to and he goes outside and he trashes the scary guys limo and then he goes home and finds his wife in bed with the pool guy and he gets mad and pours pink paint over her jewelry but the pool guy throws him out and the dialog is really bad again and then he finds out he has no money and he goes to hide out in a sleazy hotel but the manager throws him out so he has to meet the cowboy who looks like Tom Mix and the cowboy tells him he has to choose the right girl and then everything will be alright. The blonde girl tries to help the beautiful woman remember who she is but all she has in her purse is about a million dollars in cash and a strange-looking key but then she remembers a name and then they make out or that might be later and then they go to find the apartment of the woman but it is the wrong apartment because this woman Diane has swapped apartments with another woman but the blonde girl breaks in and they find a dead body but before that the blonde girl goes to an audition for a movie and she is wonderful and this agent wants to introduce her to the film director who is making a movie about the 50's. There is these two young guys talking in an office about a car accident and it might be the same accident and then one guy shoots the other because he wants this black book but he accidentally shoots through the wall and hits this woman so he has to kill her too but while he is trying to get her into the office he sees a cleaner so he has to kill him too but when he shoots at the vacuum cleaner then the alarm goes off but he escapes out of the window and then the blonde and Rita go to a magic show and then I woke up. But when I went back to sleep, I started having the dream again except this time it was different because the blonde girl wasn't Betty anymore, she was Diane and she was the one living in the apartment and Rita wasn't Rita but she was Camilla and she was a big star and she was making a movie with the film director and Diane was in love with her but she was not in love with Diane anymore and Diane got mad and she paid the hit guy to kill Camilla and there was a bunch of other stuff but none of it made much sense and then the dream was over.
So I thought it would be a great idea for a movie even if it didn't make a whole lot of sense and maybe they could get one of those directors like Cronenburg or Tarantino or the Coen Brothers or David Lynch to make it with some older actors who could remember what it was like to talk like they did in the old movies and maybe some new young actors who hadn't made it in Hollywood yet just like it happens in the movie and then maybe everyone would be intrigued by it and they wouldn't really understand it but that would be all right because they would say that you don't need to understand it because it is art and he always makes movies like this and it is like the emperors new clothes with these guys because they are so clever and they know everything about the movies so they can play with the conventions even if it looks like they don't know what they are doing and maybe it might even get nominated for an Oscar.
"Bridget Jones's Diary" (Sharon Maguire, 2001) Tarty little strumpet of a movie with a predominantly female crew ('though Richard Curtis of "Four Weddings and a Funeral." "Notting Hill," "Love Actually" and Andrew Davies whose done every BBC adaptation of Jane Austen contributed to the screenplay), and a knock-out performance by Renée Zellweger that should have won some sort of award (though she was nominated for Best Actress Oscars and BAFTA's). Frankly, she had me at her drunken drop-kick to "All By Myself" as screeched by Celine Dion.*
