Water for Elephants

"To Talent and Illusion..."
or
"Jacob Jankowski, The Only"

Really, there's nothing too special about Water for Elephants, other than it's a well-told tale that doesn't treat its audience like they're idiots, showing you things that happen, rather than showing you and having some helpful person with a grasp of the obvious tell you what you're seeing. This is nice. And before the film goes South in its last third, it's a cut above your standard romance story.  Told in flashback (the framing sequence features Hal Holbrook  and Paul Schneider and I could've used a lot more of them), it's mostly a period piece set in 1931 during the days of Prohibition of a young veterinary student, Jacob Jankowski (Robert Pattinson), who must drop out due to circumstances of Fate.  Without inheritance and no foreseeable future, he hitches a ride on a passing train and barely escapes being tossed off it.

In the morning, in a lovely shot that moves out of the freight car he's been sleeping in, he discovers he's hitched his way into the circus—the Berzini Brothers circus, specifically, a down-on-its-luck travelling menagerie of animals and people just one rung up from them trying to eke out an existence during the dark days of the Depression.  He finds temporary work mucking out the cages but it isn't too long before his veterinary skills make him indispensable to the inscrutable owner August (Christoph Waltz, finally finding a project worthy of his talents) and his main attraction, a stunt equestrienne named Marlene (Reese Witherspoon, all platinum blonded and permed, almost resembling Madeline Kahn).

It doesn't take a genius to know where this is going, but director Francis Lawrence (I Am Legend—the best parts of his movies seem to involve animals) manages to make it interesting before the romantic sub-plot kicks in.  Until then, Water for Elephants is quite interesting in its portrayal of carny life amidst the human mis-fits.  Things become very interesting when August, picking among the scraps of a dead circus—one of the many that are going broke during the hard economic times—finds his new star attraction, onto whose hide he pins all of the circus' economic hopes—a bull pachyderm named Rosie.  Dismissed by its previous owner as being none-too-bright, it is Jankowski's job to take care of and train the elephant to become the star of the show, aided and abetted by Marlene.  Where August is content to just beat the animal into compliance, Jankowski develops a bond with the beast, throwing him at odds with the ring-master and closer to the woman.

I remember working at a radio station in a small town when a circus set up stakes in the same parking lot of the local Montgomery Wards' the station perched on.  Walking out the studios' back door led you straight to the holding area for the elephants and I would spend my lunch hours, watching them rock back and forth, their only restraint being a coil of rope around their foot and the memory of the chain that used to be there.  I could never tell whether that huge elephant was content, bored or crazy, but I knew that it was huge, that it could have taken me out, and maybe the station and maybe the Monkey Ward's, given the time, inclination and a substantial telephone pole.  But for now, it was content to watch me watching it, and swaying, forever swaying—something to do before the food arrived.  Was it the elephant version of rocking in the corner, or was it dancing?

I thought about that elephant a lot during Water for Elephants and what was in its mind as I sat watching it while it watched me.  I wondered where it is now and if it remembered the kid that sat contemplating it on those hot Summer days.  Probably not.  But, I remembered it, as well as a couple of the actors appearing in this movie that I'd worked with and admired (Good work on their parts, and I noted how they'd made something more of their small parts that didn't require the breadth of their talents—nice stuff, Scott and John).  Everybody's good in it and I was amused that more attention seemed to be paid lighting Pattinson than Witherspoon—that might please his fan-base.

But, as I said...nothing too special, although there is solid work throughout, and not too unlike a circus—a pleasant diversion that manages to take you away from the real destruction going on in the real world.

Water for Elephants is a Cheap Matinee.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

"Okay, Enough With the Heavy" ("Decisions, Decisions")

When last we left the increasingly soapish "Twilight" saga, vampire Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) had just popped the question to Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart)—the "marriage" question, not the "can I rip your throat open and suck your blood" question.  That this one ends with her "coming out" and wearing his ring would indicates that the series might be moving at a TV-soap opera's glacial pace, where you only had to watch the Friday episodes to see the plot advance and miss out on the week's worth of "discussion" episodes.


Not true, really.  Quite a bit happens in "Eclipse:" the "Victoria's Revenge" plot-line comes to a head; the kids graduate from high-school; there's a war between the Cullens and the "Newborn"—a clutch of newly initiated vampires with a more-than-natural blood-lust; there's an endless "Team Edward"/"Team Jacob" back-and-forth; the cementing of "Bella Mandella" as a catalyst for "Cold Ones"/Quileute co-existence; the Volturi rears its ugly head, appearing to be the real threat to eternal peace and quiet; and it appears that "Twilight" saga author Stephanie Meyer might have stepped back and considered what it was she was writing.


Because with "Eclipse," it becomes clear that Meyer isn't "just" writing a teen-horror "weepie" (although she is!), she's also writing a story about young people choosing their path in life...or after-life.  Suddenly, Bella's quest becomes more focused and it becomes less about her being a damsel in distress bounced from one cult to another, and more of her exercising her choice.  That it is painful and has consequences just enhances the importance of it (aren't all life-choices?), and in a couple of badly needed fleshings-out of some of the Cullen coven's back-stories, it is made clear that she's lucky to even have that choice.


It's the best of the "Twilight" movies (so far), which started out abysmally, got better under Chris Weitz's direction, and now has a nice kinetic veneer from "30 Days of Night" director David Slade. Slade does everybody one better the way he handles this one—the action sequences are full of momentum that still can be followed (there's a rip-snorting battle between Team Cullen, with the begrudging aid of the Quileute werewolf pack, and the Newborn that has rips and snorts aplenty) and Slade even manages to include moments of lyricism that nobody has bothered to use, yet.  An early scene has Edward and Bella ostensibly studying for an English final in a bucolic sun-dappled field of flowers.  A close-up of their faces reveals not the "sparkly-diamond" effect on Edward's face (which has always looked a little stupid), but rather it reflecting a pattern on hers.  Now, that's the way it should be done.  And that they're sitting in a field of wildflowers suddenly and metaphorically places their romance in a natural context: from death and decay, life will grow—Bella and Edward are as natural as flowers and dirt.  Nice.


This one does a whole lot of things well.  There's a great chase sequence near the beginning, which is a terrific primer on action directing—it reminds one of the "speeder-bike" sequence in "Return of the Jedi," only done better.  An uneasy sequence with the love triangle in a freezing tent, gives the boys a chance to play off someone other than Stewart, and they both do fine, subtle work without losing any of their characters' malevolence for each other. Edward's character is no longer a sulking simp' he was in "New Moon," and even dashes off a good humorous line or two (he gets the film's biggest laugh, sneering at Taylor Lautner's six-pack: "Doesn't he own a shirt?"),* Lautner is a little iffy here, doing good work when being aggressively challenging, but not so much when called on to be "intense," and Stewart isn't required to do all the heavy lifting this time, as many of the Cullen's back-stories are allowed out in the daylight, providing Ashley Greene's Alice, Nikki Reed's Rosalie and especially Jackson Rathbone's Jasper moments to shine.  Rathbone has been reduced to wall-paper in the past movies, but, here, he's subtle, intense...and very interesting...a long-suppressed Southern accent creeping into his words every so often.  He shows how this "teen-vampire" shtick should be done (Now if they'd just do something with the wonderful Elizabeth Reaser ("Ma" Cullen), I'd be happy).  The series also improves itself by casting Bryce Dallas Howard, who does brief, fine work as the revenge-driven Victoria, and getting a score by the gifted Howard Shore.


It's hooey, of course—high-blown romantic purple-prose in teen-speak with an injection of morosely doomed monster self-pity.  But, it's becoming increasingly well-packaged and more sharply defined, and, as I said, Meyer has done her homework and figured out what the monster she created really is.  As much as I want to dismiss the "Twilight" series, I acknowledge that this is one of the few multi-part stories that has improved as its rolled along, rather than snowballing into more gigantically leaden productions (Hello...Potter).  Partially, it's that the directors have gotten better as the series has raked in the cash, but also the film-makers have found ways to streamline Meyer's excesses, while giving her and the audience exactly what they want.  While not exactly a valedictorian, it certainly gets some award for "most improved student."

"The Twilight Saga: Eclipse" doesn't suck.  It's a Rental.


* I still don't "buy" the Edward character, as he's written as a love-sick moon-calf, rather than a being that's lived a couple centuries.  "Old school" he may be, but he has the thought processes of a teen-ager.  Dramatically appropriate for its audience, maybe, but someone who's lived as long as he has would probably be a bit smarter and more mature.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon/An Education

"Women Who Run with the (Were)Wolves"

What is it about the "bad boys" that attracts good women? Is it that "girls just wanna have fun" and the wild ones are more capable of showing them a good time? Is it something deep in our alligator brains that says the more aggressive ones are the better mates for procreating, even if they're not the better mates for consistent fatherhood? Is it the female imperative to "tame" the wild stallion—"I can change him" is the common refrain. Is that inclination an argument against monogamy in the human instinct, that women gravitate towards undependable, albeit aggressively undependable men?

All good questions, but I doubt there's a definitive answer (and even if there was, would it do any good?) But it's a thought to bring up, in light of these two releases.

Poor Bella Swan. When last we left her she was stuck in Forks, Washington in a terrible movie.* "Twilight" even without the vampire trappings sucked—it bit and bit hard. The script was overwrought and silly and the direction murky and slip-shod with some of the lousiest special effects since cartoon bats. With the second movie based on the "Twilight" series, "New Moon" things improve a bit—the effects work while sometimes dodgy practically, in other places hits a fine note of creepiness. The murk problem has been solved and a good director, Chris Weitz (who started out co-directing "American Pie"—which pays off here with better school scenes—upgraded to "About a Boy," and helmed "The Golden Compass," where he seemed a bit out of his depth, despite overseeing a massive production), who makes this installment look like a "film," where the first looked like a dashed-off tele-movie.**

Bella's (Kristen Stewart) life is spinning out of control. Well, she's pretty much running in place, but Weitz's camera is constantly circling, circling, circling as she reaches her 18th birthday and worrying that she's getting older while the two men in her life, vampy Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) and young pup Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner, who buffed up for the role—you should have heard the ladies in the audience gasp when he whisked off his shirt, which he does a lot in this film) are frustratingly youthful. Edward, despite being 109 years old, still acts like a moony 17 year old, and decides that in order to protect Bella from a blood-feud with a vicious vampire tribe, he's going to withdraw his protection and mope in some other part of the world. That illogical motivation is the desperate act of plot contrivance that sets the film in motion; blame must go to returning scripter Melissa Rosenberg (who does much finer, more devious work on "Dexter") and book-author Stephenie Meyer). It creates a Swan-dive into depression for the heroine, who in moments of danger is warned off by apparitions of her love-at-first-bite, as if he's a wispy Obi Wan (emphasis on the wan!) Kenobi (there is one nifty sequence where a risky motorcycle ride makes her see periodic visions of Edward pass by like "Burma-Shave" signs). She turns to Jacob for friendship and support and motorcycle repair skills and finds herself having feelings for him, which he reciprocates.

She should have got a dog, and in a way she does—Jacob becomes part of a gang (or should I say "pack?") of werewolves, who are secretly sniffing out vampires in the night. She sure knows how to pick 'em, or as one of the Forks folks says "(she's) good with weird." Edward's a vampire, Jacob's a wolf, and, at one point, Bella jokes she's afraid of becoming "a cougar." Love brings out the primal in all of us.

Based even more deeply around a "Romeo and Juliet" motif, things get more complicated in—Osilo lo dicono?—Italy with a possible judgement by the Vampire papacy—the Volturi—led by Aro (Michael Sheen) who has the power to make judgements on the life and death of vampires. The better production values of "New Moon" speaks to the casting of Sheen and Dakota Fanning as two of the Volturi, although one suspects that Fanning's part was more important in the book, as she's under-utilized here. It's interesting to see Sheen in a role that doesn't have much at stake, prestige-wise; he draws his considerable precision into a florid, vaguely threatening performance that induces cackles and dread. For the rest, Pattinson maintains the James Dean persona, they still photograph his pimp-roll in lethargic slo-mo—one suspects it will be a constant in the series—and he's an interesting kisser. Kristen Stewart has the tough role, carrying the movie throughout (one wants to say boldly as she's in almost every scene, but the performance is of flickering and quavering) although she still has the annoying habit of not looking her fellow actors in the eyes—their neck, their chest, their ass, anywhere but their eyes.

It's a big improvement overall, solidly presented with a minimum of squish and a slightly harder edge, the main weakness coming from Meyer's plotting.

"The Twilight Saga: New Moon" is a Rental.

"Wilhelm Alert" here.


David (Peter Sarsgaard) is not carnivorous, but he's no less predatory—a wolf in expensive clothing. Seeing Jenny (Carey Mulligan), 16 year old schoolgirl, soaked with rain and burdened with cello, he offers her a ride and finds a smart, pretty girl studying for Oxford, studiously sophisticated but inexperienced. She sees in him all the things she's learned in books lived day-to-day and she is soon besotted with him and his life. He treats her as a woman, takes her to Paris and Oxford, concerts, jazz-clubs, and art auctions and she's in a rush to live life, rather than read about it. And David is her entrée.

Jenny is his dessert.

Based on Lynn Barber's memoir with a screenplay by Nick Hornby, "An Education," like the character of David, impresses you with its pedigree. Directed elegantly but simply by Lone Scherfig ("Italian for Beginners"), it manages to rise above the smarm of the concept, and turn into a cautionary tale pursuing success and "the good life" at all costs. Jenny's parents, particularly her father (Alfred Molina, really good here) want her to crack her books so she can make something of herself, or at least something better than him. He's as swayed by David—by his success—as Jenny is, granting weekend travel privileges so that she can have the experience of the places he's never gone and aspired to. Oxford falls in priorities. Superficial concerns over-take a fall-back position. And for both father and daughter, the older beau is a means to both their ends.

But it's a short-cut, a diversion, and has the potential of switching back and landing you exactly where you started.

One walks out of the film impressed with its look, its sophistication, its cast (Sarsgaard is always dependable to appear in cut-above material, and Molina has his disappointments but is frequently fun to watch), which also includes Olivia Williams, Dominic Cooper, Rosamund Pike and Emma Thompson—Thompson delivers an anvil-thumping line with such flippancy, it's more devastating than if she'd belabored it, and Mulligan is a real find, sometimes suggesting a young Audrey Hepburn. But in the cold light of day the morning after, one's opinion drops precipitously. Ultimately, it's a million dollar budgeted Afterschool Special with fine English (and one American) actors, and more precisely, it's the B-story of "The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie" without the tragedy or irony of the rest of it. And one feels slightly hood-winked, reflective of the movie. Sure, it's getting great reviews and talked up for year-end awards, but it feels like a passing thing.

"An Education" it may be, but if feels like being held back, the lessons already learned.

Better stay in school, kids.

"An Education" is a Rental.


* To be completely factual, she was in Oregon substituting for the Olympic Peninsula in Washington State. Now, they're in Vancouver, B.C. substituting for Oregon substituting for the Olympic Peninsula in Washington State. The Oregon film board must be using Washington's play-book.

** To be fair, although nobody's talking about it, the budget for this sequel must be considerably higher than the first.

Life Sucks for a Teen-Age Vampyre (In Love)

Or, "Fangs for the Memories"

Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) may be the palest student ever to transfer to Forks High School from Arizona. For some reason her inability to maintain a tan is given a pass by her class-mates (who all try a bit too hard acting like fun-loving "with-it" teens-in-the-woods), but the constant topic of conversation are the equally pale Cullen family.

The Cullens keep to their ruby-lipped, paler-than-pale selves. They don't mingle and are a clique unto themselves. When the weather is good (rare in Forks, Washington out there on the Olympic Peninsula) the Cullens don't show up for school, but instead "go camping," as the story goes. Bella, a natural klutz physically and socially, is drawn to the unattached Cullen, Edward (Robert Pattinson). And why wouldn't she be? Like the rest of the Cullens he always appears to be walking in an undercranked slo-mo dream state, the chiseled delicate face of a Orlando Bloom/Johnny Depp/Jude Law, stops careening vans like Superman, growls like Elvis, and has the hair, neuroses and doomed bad-boy presence of James Dean, and perfect skin that glows translucently in the sun-light like diamonds . He seems particularly drawn to her, too. He can't eat, can't sleep, and has a lean and hungry look all the time.

It might be love, but maybe it's the vampirism.


It must be nice to be Stephanie Meyer right now. She's making a ton of dough off of recycled ideas and the cross...uh, sorry...combining of similar genres to create the biggest literary sensation since....well, since "Harry Potter" claimed to be literary. The "Twilight" series mixes equal parts Gothic Romance, standard Romance novel tropes and vampires and comes up with "Dark Shadows." Except Dan Curtis came up with that idea in the 1960's, so toss in a healthy dose of Judy Blume, and you produce what 'tweenettes have been swooning over the past couple years.

Now, here comes "Twilight," the movie, and like the "Harry Potter" films it distills the essence of the plot without communicating what makes both of those series fun reads in the first place. Instead, everything comes across just a bit cheesily dramatic: Edward is all lowered gaze and wolfish teeth, and Bella (the name clues you in that Meyer is being a bit playful with her writing) is all heaving commitment. Edward's self-loathing for his disease puts up a barrier that confuses and messes with Bella's head (the only mind that Edward can't read), and his affliction just attracts her all the more. Which is bad for Edward because he and the other Cullens subsist on only animal, not human, blood (which he says is like humans on a steady diet of tofu: sufficient, but not very satisfying--a nice touch, that), and Bella is a constant temptation. "You're like my form of heroin," he says to her. And for all the romantic hooey of "the lion falling in love with the lamb," it feels a bit more like falling in love with a T-bone steak.

Yeah, well, I love chocolate, but not enough to marry it.

Remember, back when I wrote about "Dracula," and said that it was a metaphor for raw hetero-sexuality? Here, it's spelled out in big block letters Barbara Cartland could read with her lowest level bejewelled spec's: a vampire's blood-lust is just lust with everybody's formal-wear on. And penetration is penetration. Edward is the good boy with manners enough not to soil his lady-love ("killing" her for real, not just her reputation), while Bella is the willing maid panting for "it" (Kristen Stewart basically fulfilled that same role in "Into the Wild"). In one particularly heaving bedroom scene, they kiss to test how far they can restrain themselves (him to chomp on her, she to have sex with him) and just when things get a little out of control, he heaves himself against the opposite wall--like he was spring-loaded, or something.

That scene, and a lot of others, boast some of the most poorly done practical effects work done since Clark Kent's "skimming" run in the original "Superman" movie. We're in the post CGI-realm, folks, things could look a lot better than the FX one would expect on "Smallville."

That's another issue: Director Catherine Hardwicke makes "Twilight" looks cheap. I've seen Billy Burke ("Fracture")before, and Elizabeth Reaser (she was wonderful in "Sweet Land"), but they're the only recognizable faces in the film, and the movie seems to have a film of murk all over it. As they filmed it in the Northwest--Oregon substituting for Washington (nice work, again, Washington Film Board!)--it might be fog getting under the lens. These books are making ga-zillions of dollars, you'd think they'd throw some money at the adaptations.

It takes the film a bit to get going, because Bella has to do research to discover what vampires are--seemingly being out of touch with culture her entire life--but it does spring to life in a decidedly unexpected way: when the two kids have to meet the families. Edward turns a bit paler meeting Bella's cop-dad, and the joke about the Cullens having Bella over for dinner is nicely mined for uncomfortable laughs. "Bella, you're about to go to a house full of vampires, and the only thing you're worried about is making a good impression?" is the best line in the film. Then, it all goes completely south with a vampire baseball game (seriously) and a tedious version of "The Most Dangerous Game" with a trio of "bad" vampires, who are evidently playing for another team. At that point, everyone stops thinking and starts doing stupid things when there is so much at...stake.


But just when one thinks there's not enough blood in the genre that hasn't already been regurgitated along comes this modest film from half-a-world away that covers a lot of the same unconsecrated earth as "Twilight' but gives it a poignant spin.

"Let the Right One In" (aka "Låt den rätte komma in") introduces us to Oskar (Kåre Hedebrant), a child of divorced parents living in an apartment block in a Stockholm suburb in 1982. When first seen, one could mistake him for a Renfield-type, babbling to an unseen person to "squeal like a pig" while brandishing a knife. He watches from his window as a car pulls up in the middle of the night, and a man and a girl get out and move in to the apartment next door. Cardboard is put up in the windows and things go quiet.

Then, strange ritualistic murders begin happening around town, and Oskar's fellow students are warned to beware of strangers in the night walking home from school. Oskar has his own problems with an unholy trinity of bullies that regularly taunt him--they're the reasons for his revenge fantasies played out in the safety of his own home. About the same time, he makes the acquaintance of a pale girl named Eli (the excellent Lina Leandersson), who's about his age..."more or less," she says. When she learns of his bully troubles, her answer is simple: "Oskar, hit back. Hit them harder than you dare. Then they'll stop." Eli gives him the courage to do just that, and he begins to take weight-lifting classes.

Eli has her own problems: her benefactor and procurer has begun to make mistakes and the towns-people are getting suspicious, as the attacks become more random and more vicious. Eli and Oskar grow closer, deciding to go "steady," as events threaten to tear them apart.

"Let the Right One In" may sound sweet, but the savagery of the attacks is anything but—director Tomas Alfredson stages them swiftly and suddenly, and they can catch the audience by surprise. Plus, some of the happenings have a giddy violence that may produce uncomfortable giggles along with the chill up the spine (not unlike those of the excellent, though little seen, "Exorcist III"). There is visceral, grisly horror in the story of the both supernatural and all-too-human varieties. The vampires of "Twilight" are ethereally pretty in the sunlight of the Northwest. In the similar light of Sweden, the results are decidedly different and more spontaneous. To say more would rob the film of its twisted charm, something that can't be said for the cob-webbed cliches of "Twilight." That an American remake is in the works is news that can be regarded with its own brand of horror.

May it never see the light of day.

"Twilight" is a Cable-Watcher.
"Let the Right One In" is a Matinee.